My note

It is no one’s fault but my own
For I could not cope anymore
I’d sit for hours contemplating my death
Just never thought I would be on my bed
I could not do anything but let everything go
In spite of letting everyone know
- Afraid of letting you down
And don’t sit there with those fake frowns
Those phony crowns that make no sound
It was the way I was told
To help but only ask when the time is needed
Well I can’t be included, now could i?

My legs are shaking, my eyes are burning
I am so afraid yet so intrigued
By the fact that I won’t return anymore
I am but glad as no one cared for me anymore
I’m glad to have met those of whom I did
Yes I’m an asshole but what I did
Was so I could see what you truly were
A person who would not deceive me in any plot
A person who would come with me just to drink a tot
To laugh and shout and rant about, careless of the world
- Yet it changed near the end
For I was but anything neglected and used
Shut out of conversations occurring like I always would
Yet when the occasion arrives, they’d wonder why I’d not have known
- It saddens me

But what I saw what I did, was shut out the world
For you did not care any less, as you try to be the best
I cared not of fame and fortune
But wealth in love and happiness
That of which would surely never cross my fortune

I sit here crying as my pulse keeps slowing
The dizziness in my mind, is but boring
I feel cold and restless
For I know time is but senseless
I hate this place as feelings are mutual

For that I will no longer be a beneficiary to useless users
As my time approaches
- And I am never to return
There are a thousand more things I’d like to say
But my time is a bit short today
Enjoy your lives and ponder not of mine

Dead Man’s Rose

Blind speechless thinker

Marie

An Eternal Dream

An eternal dream

As he flashes smiles across the room to unknown faces
Those smiles turn to disgust as he turns to her
Eyes mocking her in her misery
She would try to avoid those monstrous brown eyes
In that room of unknown strangers
He would grin at her with his lustful teeth
His teeth covered in black potholes and coated yellow due to his reeking pipe
Cavities biting at his teeth and tearing them apart as a predator to its prey

With his lustful grinning smile she fears to be used once more
As he grabs her tender bruised arm and viciously drags her off to that horrid room
Her usefulness eroding day by agonizing day
- Her purpose being served
She would grind her sparkling teeth and endure the never ending pain
- As she knows it will happen once again

For one faithful night she could endure no more
She slipped in deep thought of returning no more
And there she lay, breathing profusely as she always would
Her pupils diluted and strangely different
Glossy black pupils turn to white surrounded by ocean blue dimensions
- She had drifted into her perfect dream

And there he sat, day by glorious day as she did not return from her restful slumber
Lying there under those sheets of elegant white, troublesome eyes still opened towards the broken ceiling
His grin never to return to this beaten woman
Before she had left her tainted and stained reality, she had left on her pale face
- A grinning smile

Love for Rain

Love for Rain

I seated myself on the living room couch, listening to the clanking on the roof
I knew it was rain, but I was to lazy to lift a boot
I listened as the tapping on the roof softened and the thumping on the window slowly decreased

I stood without energy and staggered to the covered window
My arms extended outwards, simultaneously parting the two hanging friends
Staring through the window, thick white mist clouded the garden and where drizzle pierced through
I opened my hand and firmly placed it upon the window
I felt the damp coldness from the opposite side
Large water droplets had fallen from the roof exploding as it hit the wet earth
And droplets that slammed against the window, burst as it sent icy shards in every direction
Miniature lakes formed in between the soaked plants
And small droplets that rippled within these pools, became part of them
- I was ready to set out

I closed the door and turned the key in the anti-clockwise motion
I heard the clicking sound that it made as the latch climbed in its cave
As I stepped towards the rain, I was entangled by this feeling
Of cold, bitter wind tearing at my face, at the slowest pace

I stepped within the shower of mist and icy arrows of rain
The clouds above hung motionless as if never to wane
The first droplet that breached my skin was like a pebble in a pool
It sent ripples throughout my scrawny body
- Hundreds of pebbles followed
My foot landed in a small puddle which shot water around
The water swelled up around, before counteracting gravity, to engulf my foot
I could feel how my cotton sock soaked it up
- I did not mind

I continued my walk on the granite path that separated the garden
Larger pointed plants that were harassed by rain had protected the minors drenched by mist
I walked across the lawn, which presented a dull colour of green
I turned my head and fixed my gaze to see the matt black roof sparkle as water streamed down its crevices
My eyes lowered to notice the footprints I had made
- Footprints grasped by grass
I neared the broken wooden gate as it hung on just one hinge
The corner had rested on the driveway to keep its balance
The top hinge had broken due to heavy dust and the bottom weakened by the wind
The opposite side of the gate however, lay in ruins as the broken gray wall had piled
The wind was extremely vicious that day, ripping a tree of its roots
It even caused a telephone pole to lie upon one’s roof
I avoided moving the hanging gate in thought of the hinge would fail
I slipped through the open section of the broken wall by climbing where it piled

Landing on the slippery sidewalk, almost falling to my own surprise
I saw the lonely lamp pole, shining ever so bright
With the mist passing so elegantly through it and the blanket of drizzle that pierced the light’s barricade
I had to walk within to experience how it would feel
To become part of the rain, as it appeared to disappear
-Yet it was not so, as it differed from within
It felt so empty and mysterious, as I even heard a howl
I thought it was the neighbor’s dog, but it had been dead for a while
So I turn my back upon the light in remembrance of that thought
Of that silvery white dog with that scar upon its chin, as it cleared that little gray wall
- To play with me as a child

I walked in the direction of the one I loved
To share with me this moment, as it would be better if she were here
I knew how long it took, to reach that blessed home
Even how many paces it took, to reach that wooden door
- I would count each step, every time I walked that way

As I walked, deep in thought, in wonder, of how it looked
That large, silvery picketed fence with spikes as the heads
- I was sure it would even glitter in this state, even if wet
I’d slip through that little gate at the end of the fence
The parents had even cut me a key, so I wouldn’t bother them
I crept into her room and would watch as she slept
And over time, I would fall sleep at her side
Her bed, so soft, comfy, I could lie there for eternity
I was interrupted —within my own confine— by a car as it sped by
I stood and watched as the tires ripped up the rain from the ground it had came, and it was hurled into the air
Drops of water had landed upon me
- Black spots on my visage
The water had darkened by tar and charcoal tires

My clothes were drenched and my jeans were wrapped tightly around my leg, sopping wet
- I let my hoodie drop over my shoulders
My hair was instantly dampened and crystal droplets formed within my black web
I lifted my head as the moist penetrated my skin
The pores upon my horrid face were filled by the dense mist
I really don’t know what she saw in me, as I saw none in myself
- She could have anyone she wanted
So, that question, “Why me?” Resonated and rang within my cranium countless times
She spoke to me when no one else would and that was when, I was definitely, unconditionally, inlove

As the water rolling down my face gained speed as it enlarged
It would pass my cheek line and run down my neck
Droplets would drip from my nose and lips, joining their former friends on the coarse ground

I walked into the centre of the rough road, to follow the white lines
I placed my foot perfectly within the line’s borders and proceeded to walk the line
I would try to lung from line to line as I neared the edge of each stripe
As I drifted off the line, I kept to the road to stray from side to side

I looked up at the dark blanket that stretched over the sky, with the gray patches that released those icy shards
And in the distance of what I saw, lightning had cracked the sky
It would be fitting if, red fluid, oozed out from the wound
I closed my eyes and felt the excitement of cold drizzle as it rested upon my face
- How unpredictable it was
My mind was locked upon something I had no intention to remove
It was the face of my Angel, emphasized by the feeling of rain, drew it clearer and clearer

While I walked with my eyes clenched shut
Water still tried to seep in, but only in succeeding to be wiped away
In the darkness of enclosed eyes, I had noticed a horizon of light
As it grew stronger, it caused the darkness to turn bright
And when I opened my faltering eyes, in thought of what it could be

- I was but, a little too late

Sever Barratt
04/05/09

Foresight Of Death

I could see into the future and see the horror it unfolds
For I could see death running towards my door

That day came, a knock-knock yelled throughout the passage way
- Yet, I had not attended to it
A bash-bash again, as it waited
- I realized, it was death
So I swiftly leapt to the door, in eagerness of the arrival
To my surprise
- It was her
A few brief moments of obscure silence occurred
Avoiding her eyes, she leapt on to me
Enveloping me with her arms as she always would
- I returned the gesture
We walked inside, closing the door I peered out
For maybe my eyes would encounter my final visitor
- Nowhere
I sat her on the living room couch as I proceeded to the one seater
Her glossy, green coated eyes surveyed her surroundings
- Even though she had seen it before
There was something grave upon her mind

I twisted and turned with poetic words to drag it out
My words of comfort that would make her tingle
The hairs on the back of her neck stand in anticipation
Even in the right moment
- Cry on my shoulder
With all m effort, though I did not give in, she reluctantly remained silent
And there she sat, the flower she was, blooming in the spring time
Her mouth twitched every now and then
- Yet remained calm
My words became meaningless, horrid, as I continued
- Frustration dwelled
So with a deep breath, a mellow sigh, I crept into silence

For hours we sat, opposites destined, staring into oblivion
My thoughts and feelings mingled as though they were oil and water
- They mix, but don’t become one

I loved her, she knew I did
For I unknowingly reminded her of it numerous times
Though I knew my boundary, as a spell had already drew her to another
- I did not want to be the one to lift the curse
With a sigh of relief as rationality overcame passion
I stood and politely apologized for my earlier remarks
Cautiously choosing my words as I proceeded, I said
“As time goes by, so will life. If I don’t get some rest, mine will be put to the test.”
With a little smile that crossed her face, she could not help but, charged and wrapped her arms around me
- Firmly kissing me on the lips
She let go of that burning sensation as she dipped her head on my shoulder
The whole event was so,
- Unexpected

She lifted her head and hovered her mouth near my ear
Gritting her teeth, she let out a whisper, “I’m sorry.”
With that remark my mind crumbled as I struggled for words as she left
My world shattered within me, I was oblivious to the world outside
- As I crumbled, she did leave
My mind paced on the fact that if she returned, I would fight this awaiting death
I heard the doorbell, sprang in hopes of her, her face staring into mine would inspire me of any task
I flung the door open, and behold
- It was her

Though she had now changed
Her eyes were now burning red and features on her face had deepened
I realized that she, my passionately, unconnected love was

- Death, in love with me

Sever Barratt
28/08/09

My Angel, Though He Did Not Know

Where is my life heading?
- I asked myself countless times
What is my purpose?
- Question with unstable answers
Why is he following me?
- I’m terrified

That man in white, he always appeared to disappear
He wore an oversized, white velvet robe with over proportioned shoulder guards
The shoulder guards, soaked in black, extended a quarter of an arm’s length from his shoulder, ending in a small curl
The edges were coloured in dark red, a mysterious colour
His robe was an elegant white that flowed his hidden body
His gold rimmed edges of his overgrown robe, dragged fearlessly near the spoilt earth and had collected dirt throughout its honorable age
His hair was black, with a hint of plum to its edges, as it dropped down, hanging all around him
Hair like a web ever this mysterious handle like object that peered over his left shoulder, awaiting to be grasped by those extremely whitened hand
The opposite ending was sharp and pointed out vigorously from behind his right hip
His lips were dark purple, not that of any simple human
- He was exceptionally different
Sprouts of lines crossed his visage as his figure faced mine
I blushed as he kept his charming stare
His eyes were never the same breathtaking colour, but forever changing
From luscious, ocean blue that you would find divine to plunge into
To a dark, blood red surrounded by a thick, blackened ring so it would not escape its own form
His jaw line was perfectly visible and had no fault
The cheek bone would show itself, just so much as a glimpse
His skin was deathly white, but looked so tender and moist
Yet at the thought of touching his naked skin
I would not be so lucky to survive

I had grown content with this mysterious man always near
- A sense of security
I had attempted to speak with him, but he could see nor hear me
I had stayed by his side, in wonder about the unusual behavior

For one day he gradually parted his jaws, in an attempt to sound his voice
- Oh, what pain it was
That painful, bitter screech was horrid, it was as if it were biting and tearing its way through my ears, then subsided
From what was the most disturbing sound ever imagined, became the most beautiful and harmonizing sound to my stinging ear
- It was well worth the pain
He had begun to produce an incredibly –what it seemed to be- song
Even with no instruments, it vibrated and echoed within me
- I loved and joined every passing beat
It was then, that I decided abruptly, to end my miserable life
After hearing such a thing, I knew I would die privileged of hearing something greater than a masterpiece itself

I went to bed puzzled and confused of what I wanted
I fell into a hazy dream of things I had wanted
I dreamt of the first man I loved, the same man I ravished for the first time with my beauty
It was a powerful dream I wished never to forget
I was but an inch away from forgetting it was a dream
- And awoke

It was early morning and the sun had already risen with countless drops of dew scattered amongst the inanimate objects
I had almost passed a coffee shop and to my surprise, caught something shockingly similar to me

I saw an old, bitter woman, well into her eighties, drinking her morning tea
She had silvery hair, a flailing fringe dangling infront of her wrinkled face, and hair carefully combed over the ears in an attempt to cover where it pointed
Her skin looked that of a combination, not too moist and not stone dry
- A replacement of past perfection
In her seat, she hunched over her tea cup, both hands alongside as if to gather warmth
Her hands were shaking profusely, which made her seem uneasy
Her dusty old coat hung low to the ground, covering even her shoes
Dirty and covered with fluff, it was a habitat to thousands of mites
The waitress, shocked by the reaction of the horrid woman, wept as she turned and made her leave
The elder seemed lonely, sipped her frothed tea as if to say she had all the time in the world and no one would come knocking on her door
- Besides death ofcoarse

I had tried to pass this incident light heartedly and continued
I entered the park in an unusual manner, falling over the first bench
- How clumsy of me
I knelt down to tie my lovely pink laces I recovered from where it grabbed hold of the bench
I decided to double knot it so it would not loosen yet again
As I pulled it tight, in the corner of my delicate eye, I had noticed white material pass behind me
I felt ice cold matter brush against my shoulder, a wave of insecurity swept over me
A cold, tingling chill ran up my spine and rolled to an end near my cranium
The coldness had a mind of its own, it crept through my shaking body, entering every last nerve there was to offer
My hands grew unwillingly numb and my face turned deathly pale
I had lost all colour of life within an instant
From golden honey brown, to a cold, faded blue
To my surprise I could not step forward, only attempt to
- My body wouldn’t let me
Yet my passion for death overcame the body’s will to survive

I continued on a stony cracked pathway, towards the centre of this marvelous park
Its beauty was like needles punchering my eyes
For their beauty was of something mine eyes not deserving
The pathway lay dense in plant life
The surrounding edges covered in scores of lovely bright red roses intertwined with deep purples roses
Within the gaps of these tiny plants, as they await their own destiny, lay bulging red strawberries
I had never had a freshly picked strawberry
I always was told it was of the most succulent flavor
Sweet, rich and juicy to the last fragment
- The same idea, a man, had about me
Yet I had not wanted to be that
And my beauty had been my downfall

I had knelt down on my knees to detach this bright red, luscious fruit from its life support
It was hidden between a deep purple rose and that of a blood red one
The shadows of these flowers had converged upon the pathway to form a vague yet beautiful, cracked heart
The cracks in the pathway had caused that magical effect

My heart ached in thought, as it had depicted mine own
I had shaken my head to enjoy the blissful moment I had entered
I reached for the half-hidden fruit
Brushed the motionless plant as tiny droplets crept and seeped into my skin

Swallows above, twittered happily in accordance
- Startled, I retracted my arm
Symmetric birds, corresponding instantly in every movement, perched on a nearby branch
Light that had gleamed past the cover provided by the tree’s canvas
Highlighted the tiny bodies of the identical birds as it appeared rays of light had sprouted out their sides
- They effortlessly glided away

I returned my attention to the succulent strawberry waiting amongst the flowers
Without any further hesitation, plucked the fruit
The weight was incredible in comparison to the miniature size it appeared to be
I plunged it towards my watering mouth
- And sank in my teeth
A taste of sour, bitter liquid coated my mouth, spreading deeper down my hollow throat
I spat it out and regretted every moment of that distaste
- The bitterness would stay until the end

I proceeded through the green, lively archway formed by two of the elder trees
As I breached through that grand opening
A bright light caught my eyes, for the sun had directed its rays towards me
I regained visibility and was but a few feet, from death
A great wave of insecurity struck me yet again, as my legs wobbled and my skin tingled
- But I had decided
I approached that newly painted, black railing that would secure anyone who could plunge to their death
- Oh, the irony

I wore that day my favourite outfit, but I won’t go into detail, cause it wouldn’t matter anyway
I rested my hand upon the railing and felt the damp coldness it had held
I swayed my hand from side to side, as droplets had reunited with former friends, and
Upon their reunion, they met a new acquaintance
- Paint
I lifted my hand to see the newly converged friends

I had stood for man moments in front of death, contemplating within my own mind, the battles I had overcome
I murmured soundless words under my breath that would allow me to,
To understand why
- I had no one to protect, or to protect me

- I wept
My tears itched at my cheek, yet I resisted the impulse to wipe
As it flowed to the end of my smooth chin
My eye caught a figure advance behind me

And there he was, the man in white, proceeding his stride toward me
I couldn’t help, but form yet another crystal tear as it dropped toward the earth
He stopped, in a peculiar way, but why?
Whenever he attempted to move a limb, a vein alongside his neck would expand and sweat would drop down his forehead
His face would not cease from that stare, the stare that seemed to say
- I do not understand this world
He started to glide towards the wet ground
I saw but a tear drop from his white face is I adjusted him from my vision
For as he dropped, I had leaped
- Like the two symmetric swallows
I plunged toward the cold liquid below and noticed the swallows above
And in the time of infinite seconds, I finally understood who he was

- My Guarding Angel

Sever Barratt
20/06/08

That Lovely Girl

I was sitting in the Fairview Park of life
-Well, that’s what they call it
The irony of those words were yet to be revealed

Seated on a wooden bench with metallic black, yet rusted legs as its support
The rusted hinges that threatened to break at any moment
But the sun was up and about, doing its duty
The moist, misty smell of dew resting on leaves and flowers
Mixed with the rusty coarse smell of dew on rusty metal
The railing surrounding the edge of the waterfall was newly laid out as the paint had not yet settled overnight
And the dew trickling down the poles were mixing with the paint

I glanced around to see a woman standing by the railing
She had long, black beautiful hair that peered out her hoodie
Rolling down her chest, ending in a small curl
-Her hair shone in the sunlight
My eyes could only catch a glimpse, a glimpse of her nose and lips
Her lips had a hint of seduction that no man could withstand
Her lips, perfect form, coated with a glossy light pink lipbalm
Sent me into an insane lust-driven passion, weeping for her

Those lips, so sweet yet presenting themselves as innocent
Shone so brilliantly, blinding me in amazement
Her skin was that of an Angel
Skin as smooth and soft as silk just woven
Skin so tender and moist
The type of skin you would want for your own

At that moment I fell inlove
With a girl I had never met and surely never would
The black hoodie covering her face had grey and white fur around the edges
Her hands in her pockets indicated she enjoyed her solitude
She had tight dark blue jeans that enfolded the lip of her shoe
Her shoes as black as night with little pentagram symbols and pink laces
On the back of her jeans were the words “You Wish”
And I, being a man, fell into greater seduction

Hanging slightly over her shoulder was the darkest handbag I could have ever imagined
The dark mysterious black handbag with dark red smudges fading in and out of the blackness
As if for some reason, the darkness was engulfing the colour, removing it of its purpose
The disconnected smudges almost forming of what was visible, a heart
-whereas in this case, a broken one
Due to the bitter yet cool breeze that
Forced her handbag to swing slightly within her arm and body

Her arm extracted from her pockets, placing her hand on the dew wet railing
Her hand was subtle, collection dew from the railing while sliding from side to side
Raising her arm, she placed her hand in front of her mysterious face
Streams of black dew trickling down her arm, disappearing under her jacket

As if amused at this site, she let out a small chuckle
And at that moment, where the sun reflected her hand, the resonating colours arose from where there was only darkness
Her hand shining so brilliantly, blurring my vision
Sparkles glaring at me from the reflection off the paint on her hands
Was the greatest illusion my mind could ever play
-That was my conclusion
I thought I could see no greater

I watched her a while longer, her movements and actions
My body wouldn’t move as my heart and mind were battling
My heart said move and my mind said stop
-My heart won

I stepped forward until I noticed a small yet visible tear drop towards the cold ground
It seemed like ages before it hit the coarse ground surrounding her
And there I stood, in a form of a bow, arching to my left, off balance with my left foot out far ahead
My head slowly tilting to the left and my arm extended out in front of my eyes, reaching for her

My hand curled up in a way wanting to grip her
-My body knew what was about to happen
I wanted to regain my balance, but my body wouldn’t react
I felt my body slowly drop towards the wet ground
It was as if something had held my nerves and guided me down

My eyes wondered around for something to grab onto
Yet it was useless as my arms wouldn’t respond
I was gently set down by this unknown force

I landed in the same way as I was standing
-Still arched
My eyes desperately, frantically searching for an explanation
Frightened by what had happened I thought of the girl
The image of her, her moment of brilliance in the sun, stayed flashing in my mind

And on my eyes returning towards the railing where that girl, that lovely girl stood
-All that remained was a handbag hanging by the railing

23/03/2009
Sever Barratt